So this is where I have to let it all out... I can not show emotion infront of my family I have to be strong for my mother.. And yet I'm hurting just as bad as the rest of them. My grandfather a fairly healthy man of 85 years of age passed unexpectedly. I tell you this man was every bit of a father to me as he was to any of my aunts and uncles. He was always there for me and Don't get me wrong I loved my father he was well he was my father... But my grandpa really was always there He enjoyed my company and he always asked me to come up. Now there are just so many time I wish I would have. God All he wanted was to have a dinner with me and spend time with me. Yes his cooking was getting .... Blah but now I look back and wish I would have just stayed had dinner with him. I guess I can look back and say that I was More lucky then some of my other cousins that didn't get to really know our grandfather. And it's so hard to sit here and think of how the hell am I going to be strong when I'm sitting here a complete wreck!I can not cry infront of Julie, my aunte becasue she is mentally challenged and she actually still lived with my grandfather. She's just as bad as I am. It's not fair and all this talk about god and god took him because he wanted him. screw it.. I want him more! This is all just friggin stupid. I don't have any good way to end this. So yeah.... Fuck it.